The Three Pigs, the Big Bad Wolf and the Church

An adaptation of an old story
by Stephen Carl

Once upon a time there were three pigs, all brothers, each of whom decided to build his own church that reflected his heart, faith and theology.  The first pig built his out of solid bricks. The second pig built his church out of sticks and the third pig built his church out of straw.

The first pig’s Brick church thrived and grew, attracting pigs to the rich traditions and music program.  The pigs marveled at the beauty of the windows and the fine craftspigship of the wooden pews and pulpit and chancel.  There was a rich practice of liturgy and everyone knew exactly what would happen and be said since nothing changed.  Ever. 

The second pig’s Stick church also thrived and grew, attracting pigs to the culturally relevant style, the hip coffee bar, and the message that came with fill-in-the-blank notes.  The pigs enjoyed the cool-factor of the preacher pig whose messages were personal and simple to follow.  They loved the projection of images and the use of videos.  They especially liked the Stick church app that allowed them to worship from home or wherever they were if they didn’t want to get out of their pigjamas. 

The third pig’s Straw church didn’t appear to thrive like the other two pig’s churches.  There were those who came, but the Straw church building wasn’t elaborate or fancy and there weren’t that many times they all gathered there.  Still, the pigs who came seemed to be fed the spiritual slop that kept them strong and lean. 

Each church was humming along fine and then along came you-know-who: The Big Bad Wolf.  He stood outside the pig's church built of bricks and he shouted "little pigs, little pigs, come out or I will huff and puff and bring your church down!”

“You can’t bring this church down, it has a large endowment and a long, long history of tradition that has weathered the years!” the pig leaders shouted.

The Big Bad Wolf shouted “Let me in or I will scatter seeds of conflict among you and schisms will occur and you’ll gossip and whisper as competing groups will form, giving will decrease because of the conflict and the maintenance of your facility will become a priority.”

As soon as he said this there was pandemonium.  The pigs started saying “What will we do? What will happen to us?” And while they were meeting to discuss the situation several of the pigs began to slip out the back door and scatter in fear.  With fewer pigs the choir didn’t sound so good and the giving was down and anxiety began to take over.  Triangles were formed as gossip became common.

The Big Bad Wolf snickered and trotted away, letting the pigs inside do his destructive work. 

The Big Bad Wolf soon came upon the Stick Church and again he shouted “little pigs, little pigs, let me in or I will huff and puff and bring your church down!”  But nothing happened.  He shouted louder, this time to be heard over the praise band: “little pigs, little pigs, let me in or I will huff and puff and bring your church down!” and this time the pigs sang the following chorus to a nice beat:

“you can’t bring our church down!

We’re flexible and able to adapt,

we’re relevant and engaging,

we’re trendy and entertaining!”

And an exciting guitar riff followed. 

The Big Bad Wolf was not amused or entertained.  He shouted over the music: “Let me in or I will expose your hypocrisy and your shallow doctrine will not sustain you, your coffee bar and guitars will lose their appeal, I’ll open your eyes to your leader’s duplicity and the ‘authenticity’ will be revealed as a market strategy. Besides a new generation will not be interested in your product anyway. They’ll see that though there is diversity, you are all still quite homogenous—without those who are most in need of the support of community!”

This frightened the pigs and they immediately began praying to ‘just’ be led to the new culturally relevant trend as the band played softly in the background.  As they did so, some of the pigs slipped out the back door with their mocha latte double espresso caramel frappes and checked their phones for another hip church address nearby.

The Big Bad Wolf, satisfied that the Stick church was preoccupied with the moving target of being relevant decided to see what destruction he could bring upon the Straw church. 

On his way to the Straw church the Big Bad Wolf could see the pigs scurrying about here and there, spending their time and their money on things that do not matter.  They were chasing after thrills and entertainment, rather than seeking joy.  This sight gave him satisfaction and a sense of success.  It especially was fulfilling to see the pigs doing his work for him—which was a grand outcome of his efforts.  The pigs were tearing each other down, pointing out each other’s faults and shortcomings, calling each other hypocrites, yet offering no substantive alternative. 

He approached the Straw church with a grin exposing his sharp teeth.  He stood outside the simple Straw church and chuckled to himself, thinking “this is going to be so easy.  It is flimsy and poorly constructed.  How foolish of them, they’ll not know what hit them!”  He puffed his chest out and shouted “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in or I will huff and I’ll puff and I’ll bring your church down!” 

But no answer came from within the straw church so the Big Bad Wolf shouted his threats again, but still no answer came out.  He peeked in the empty window and huffed a satisfactory grunt seeing that the church was already empty, the pigs had already given up and left, seeing defeat they abandoned their flimsy straw shelter and wandered in hopelessness.  Without so much as a sneeze, his reputation preceded him and his destructive work was done! 

Just then, however, he heard an oink and he turned to see a pig helping another pig out of a muddy ditch and then he saw another pig bandaging a pig with a wound and then he saw still another tending a garden with a sign that said “Straw Church Garden: Growing Food for the Hungry” and then he saw still more pigs building a home for a family of pigs and another pig visiting a pig in the hospital and another visiting a pig in prison and another helping a drunk pig and another washing a pig’s feet.

No wonder the straw church was empty—all the pigs were out serving others.  How would he ever create chaos and conflict and confusion among them if they are scattered and busy helping others?  As he could see the pigs out helping others he became angry that he couldn’t create chaos among them so he turned and huffed and puffed and blew with all his might, scattering the straw everywhere.  Nothing was left of the Straw church building.  Except the Cornerstone, which did not budge.  He blew on it some more, but nothing happened.  Finally, he scratched his head and decided to spend his time looking for and destroying stick and brick churches and off he went. 

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Doctrine is essential and important, but if defending it becomes the central aspect or even a primary function of the church, then the frontline of the battle is lost.

Traditions and customs and polity are all excellent containers and vehicles for the message of the Gospel, but if the containers become more important than what they contain, or should contain, then the purpose of the containers is moot. 

Relevance is significant and is a powerful way to communicate the Gospel, connect with people and speak the cultural language so that the message makes sense, but when relevance becomes the aim, then the message will be diluted and impotent. After all, there are many relevant aspects to life that lead nowhere. 

Doctrine, Traditions, Relevance and host of other aspects of ministry are important, but only as they support the primary purpose of disciple-making. 

Love in action is the substance of the Gospel as people who are claimed by grace are engaged and the difference the Gospel makes is demonstrated in their lives.  Servant-hood, kenosis, pouring oneself out for others is the way of Christ. 

This is a fairy tale.  It is entirely make-believe. We all know that talking pigs and talking wolves do not exist.  We all know that pigs don’t build churches and wolves don’t destroy churches.  And for those who are concerned, no animals were harmed in the fabrication of this story. We also admit that exceptions to any parable’s message can be found that does not support the point or purpose. Nothing about this story is factual.  Its truth is for you to determine. 

© Stephen Carl